Is my marriage over? 6 crucial ways to finally find out.

The top things experts look for when someone gets the courage to actually ask, “Is my marriage over?”

You’ve likely landed here with us because you’re asking yourself, “is my marriage over?” Well, has something happened? Are you fighting way too much? Feeling alone? Your relationship might not giving you what you need – and you have a right to be disappointed or angry. But, let that anger be an impetus to action, rather than eat you up.

Before you suffer or struggle through anymore, get some outside, objective advice. Slow down and really begin to understand what led things to go wrong and if, or how, it can be fixed. People are amazingly resilient, but not if they don’t try a new approach – something different than what got them here in the first place.

Before you answer the looming question of “is my marriage over,” reflect on the options. In the end, it might be best for the relationship to end. That’s okay too. But try not to draw this conclusion in a moment of haste or after allowing yourself to get stuck in the same bad habits.

Relationships are supposed to be fulfilling, but what happens when they become less satisfying, or even exhausting? Doubts telling you that the answer to “is my marriage over” is a resounding yes can start to creep in and resentment starts to brew faster than your next cup of coffee. We can slip into behavior patterns that don’t change things or can even seem to make everything worse.

It is crucial that you pick the right therapist for your relationship issues.

People do not seek endless therapy for relationships. After a while they give up and say, well, we tried therapy.

Is it too late to repair your relationship? Do you wish you would have sought help or started making changes a long time ago? (Hint: Don’t make that mistake again.)

Remember, couples therapy does involve an investment, but ending a relationship or suffering in a miserable one has costs well beyond the financial.

Many Factors Go Into

A Relationship’s Viability

#1 Both partner’s motivation

Are you both invested or is one partner checked out? When both parties are invested in saving the relationship, the odds in favor of longevity and staying together substantially increase. But, let’s be honest, this is often not the situation that couples enter into couples’ therapy with. So, the good news is, even when there is a dichotomy in motivation, solutions still exist for repair.

#2 Your initial attraction and alignment to each other

Was there something that drew you to each other? Was there a different point in time when you had amazing chemistry or even aligned world views? Was it the two of you against the world? If this is the case, the odds or being able to return to this space are high. Yay!

#3 The level of trauma your relationship has endured

Has one of you betrayed the other partner? Was their infidelity involved? Is there a chronically ill relative that consumes most of your free resources? Has there been a financial hit that seems like you can never recover from it? Increased trauma from any source increases the strain on a relationship and can push even the strongest relationship close to the edge. However, traumas do pass, and over time, their impact wanes. But, getting to a point where that trauma can be put in the rearview mirror is an art form.

#4 Your current level of trust

Trust is a key foundation for relationship cohesion. The more that you trust someone, the more that you cling to them to weather the storm. But, when trust is eroded, every minor incident becomes proof of the validity of the distrust. From this vantage point, rebuilding a sense of alignment can seem like a foreign concept. Your lover becomes suspect #1.

#5 Other players in your relationship

Outside influences can shape the dynamics of your relationship in powerful ways. An affair partner or a well-meaning friend who believes the relationship should end can introduce doubts and conflicting emotions. These external voices, whether silent or loud, can become catalysts for internal questioning. What once felt like a united front can quickly fracture as outside opinions and actions start to sway your decisions and feelings. And, there’s no way around it- the relationship feels less intimate when every conversation carries the weight of outside interference.

#6 Your ability to have fun together

Shared joy is the glue that keeps relationships vibrant and alive. When you can laugh together, explore new experiences, and find pleasure in each other’s company, it builds a reservoir of positive memories and deepens your bond. But, when the ability to have fun together fades, the relationship risks becoming a series of routine interactions, or, worse, experiences that you both dread.

Pulling Your Relationship

off the Rocks

Does your relationship feel more like a duty than a delight? Has it started to feel like it is more work than your actual job? Are you avoiding it? Asking more from it than it can give, and then feeling rejected? The feelings are all major warning signs that crop up when you don’t enjoy your partner anymore.

You can try to tackle these issues alone. Couples do it all the time. But, let’s be honest, it’s harder when one or even both partners are spent.

Even if you are wildly successful in other parts of your life, you can still need outside support to get your relationship back on track. If you had a leaky roof, you would call a roofer, if your engine overheats a mechanic, or if your artery is clogged a surgeon. If you have a broken heart, a stagnant libido, a tense household, or all three- call an expert psychologist.

Get started, so that when you look back the next time you don’t have the same regrets you for not starting sooner. Before you settle on yes as the answer to “is my marriage over,” don’t you want to be able to say that you tried everything? We won’t judge you or scold you for getting to where you are now—that will only make things worse. But, we will push you to start communicating better, reconnecting more; or, accepting what cannot be changed. And that will feel so much better.